I am so tired
The hardest thing about having two kids under two years old is I never stop being tired. Even on days where I feel well rested and ready to take on the world, I am exhausted. Sitting at my desk I find myself staring at the same email for too many minutes. It takes me an embarrassing amount of time to come up with words that once popped into my head before I needed them. Reading bedtime stories I find myself realizing that I am 10 pages ahead in the book but have no memory of getting there. Most days, the trick is learning to cope. 40 oz of coffee anyone? Standing desks to keep the yawns at bay. And, when coping is not an option, you learn to soldier on in a way that makes you still LOOK put together and ready. Yes, my hair is perfectly dried and curled. Yes, I have makeup on again. Maybe I showered this morning and maybe I didn't. Perhaps I have on clean knickers and maybe I forgot to put them on at all. Whatever the impression or tack employed to retain the impression of functionality, I think it's time to come clean. Truthfully, most days I struggle to just get out of bed and into the office by the stroke of 10A. And, when I do get there I'm so tired I'm not sure it was worth the effort. In the last month I have had three funny and ridiculous reminders of just how sleepy I am.
The first incident, I tweeted out thinking, "oh my gosh, this is hysterical!" My husband must think I'm nuts. Basically, I came downstairs from soothing our youngest and brought the night time bottle back down from his room to wash. My hubby, being the ever helpful guy that he is, asks, "Hey, where did you put that bottle?" Internally I sigh, and think 'use your eyes buddy...it's right freaking there' but manage to actually say, "I put it by the baby monitor." Hubby replies, "I don't think so. It's not here." In my head, 'Seriously? I JUST sat down' (getting up for the 100th time in 25 minutes) I walk over to the counter. Nope. He's right. No bottle. What the hell did I do with it? Not in the sink. Not in the fridge. Shit. I KNOW I brought it down. Hubby starts putting away post dinner dishes. Opens cabinet. "Found it. It's next to the advil". Oh. Apparently, I did bring the bottle down, but instead of putting in or near the sink, I stuck in the cabinet with the Advil. That seems logical. Right? Simple mistake. These things happen, right? (RIGHT?!)
Fast forward to Wednesday night this week. Feeling very successful as a mom as I have the kids in fed, bathed and in bed...on time! Hubby is home from work and we're enjoying a little chat as I fix us some dinner. I open the cabinet to grab some spices and there is the pacifier I could NOT find 40 minutes ago. In the cabinet with the spices. Again? Really? That is so annoying! Hubby laughs, but smartly chooses not to comment. All I can think is, I'm just so tired.
Well, fast forward to this morning. I get out of the shower to find Hubby trying to get the kids fed and the dishes put away (seriously, the most helpful man on the planet). In an attempt to get everyone out the door on time, I started to help with the dishes. Grabbing the plates out of the dishwasher, I move to put them away in the pantry. Stopping, I say, "Hey, Babe. Are there waffles in the oven?" Hubby, "yeah, just thought I'd put the dishes away while they cook." Me, "I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure your waffles are sitting on a plate in here." Hubby, "What? No, I put them in the oven. (walking over to look in oven. deflated face. ) Oh. I guess I set them down?" Oh my god! I am NOT alone! We ARE in this together.
All to say, everyone is tired! If you are a parent, you are tired, and probably stressed about all of the little things that are or could be wrong. Your brain is moving twice as fast through life's stresses as it used to with only a percent of the sleep you used to get. Yes, moms do a lot and we are exhausted, but sometimes, Hubbies are fucking knackered as well. Let's all try to give peace a chance. Put away the envy you feel for that one put-together mom and the eye-rolls at the one who is obviously not. Mr. Ryan and I have shit pretty much together and nothing major to contend with (today, no one is sick, struggling, unhealthy, or in harms way...but that could change at any moment) but we are still so fucking tired. A lot of the moms and dads out there are not so lucky. Man, be the support structure for your community of parents. Don't be the one throwing hand-grenades. With any luck, one day we'll make it through this war...and when we do, I want to know that my Mr. Ryan is right next to me and that we both fought hard to make it out alive. Until then, I'm going to dream of napping and cut my fellow mom (and dad) some freaking slack.